Monday, January 3, 2011

<3

You know that feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster for the first time? Or you're going too high on a swing? Or you hit some certain bumps on the road and your stomach kinda flips? That's the way I feel when I'm around you. Not all the time, but there's those times when you look at me, or you'll hold me; and I can't even explain it, but that's what I feel.

No regrets.

I never regret anything that has happened to me in my life, wether it is making a bad choice, deciding to do something I shouldnt have, saying the wrong thing or not doing something I should have done...because all of these things have given me the knowledge I have today and helped make me who I am today... and that is one thing I will never regret.

Love.

You are the single most important person in my life. One thing I have come to realize is that love is not always happiness. There are tears, anger, confusion, fears, but at the same time there are smiles, laughter, joys, and understanding. All of those things can happen. That's why love is such an emotional thing. You can feel so many different emotions at the same time. That's why it's so overwhelming. But I know one thing... I would not take back any single thing. Everything that has happened between us happened for some reason. And us being strong and making it through this, it only shows that our love is strong enough to last a lifetime.

Taking chances.

Take chances... alot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up- and with who, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are... you learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. say how you feel- always . Be you, and be okay with it. It doesn't matter what any other person thinks.

Change.

Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we really need. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes it's saying 'hello again' that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you'll ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing saving your life.

Life.

It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.

untitled.

You start life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been... and wonder who you really are.

<3

All our lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us too.

Not again.

You just waltzed back in my life like you deserved to be here or something. You could have come back anytime, anytime before now. But you waited and waited. And you know what? It’s too late. I kept waiting for you to come back, and you didn’t. You never came back, until now. Anytime before now I would have welcomed you back with open arms. But you’re too late this time. I gave you more than enough chances to make things right and you didn’t. I opened myself up to get cut wide open. I finally moved on. I’m happy and I don’t need you anymore. That’s something I never though I’d say. I’m sorry if I’m not ready to throw all of that away to let you back in and make me look like a fool when you fuck me over. Again. I cant put myself through that again. You cant erase the past. The way we are now, is not my fault. I didn’t cheat, lie, or push you away. You did this to yourself. I’m sorry if you cant find anyone who amounts to me, which you probably won’t, but it’s your own doing. I’m not saying this out of spite or pity or anger even. I’m saying this because I know that no girl will ever amount to what I was for you. I’m ready to move on, to experience what else is out there. I cant put myself through what you did to me again. I need change. If we’re meant to be, we’ll find each other again one day and maybe I’ll love you again, just like before. If not, I really hope you find happiness in the decisions you made, because God knows I would never have chosen this for us. But I also cant fix what you created, and I don’t want to anymore.